Weiß Newlywed Game
by kami-chan1
Summary: (rating for language and implications) kami-chan now runs the Newlywed Game and her contestants are Weiß!! KenxRan, YohjixOmi Another attempt at being funny, *bangs head* Part I up!


I remember this show!! I used to watch it when I was little many years ago ^^;; This was hysterical and I really couldn't get this idea out of my head. Hope you enjoy!!

Okay, for those of you not familiar with the show, once upon a time, newlywed couples, a few months married, were invited to play a game where they prove how much they know about each other and how compatible they are, so in some funny cases, how much they DON'T know, etc, etc. And the prize is a second honeymoon. The setting is an open, lit stage with two couches filled with cushions. The game host is at a stand to the far left. And behind the set, is a sound-proof room that the audience never sees. 

Title: Weiß Newlywed Game!!

Pairings: KenxRan, YohjixOmi

Rating: R, YAOI implications, shounen-ai. This WILL get graphic and improper language to be used. Not for uptight people ~_~ You have been warned.

Disclaimer: The Newlywed Game is ©Sony Pictures and Weiß belongs to Takehito Koyasu and Project Weiß.

*cheers* (comon reader, CLAP!)

kami-chan: *cheesy music is played in the background* Ah! Douzo yoroshiku minna-san! Welcome to the Newlywed Game, where we find out which couple knows the most about each other best! Please welcome our lovely couples, Ran and Ken!

Ran & Ken: *meekly* Hello.

kami: These two have been married eight weeks but have known each other for two years. Now, our next couple, Yohji and Omi!

Yohji & Omi: *bright smiles* Heeeey!!

kami: Aww, these two have been married six weeks and have been together for three years. Well, these are today's players. Don't forget, the prize is a honeymoon cruise through the exotic Marshallese Islands!!

Ken, Yohji & Omi: ooooooooooh!

Ran: *nod*

kami: Now, you all know how this works, so I need the wives to leave and go into our soundproof rooms backstage!

Guys: *look at each other*

kami: -_-;;

Yohji: Anou, Omi... go back, will ya?

Omi: WHAT?! I'm not the bride!

Yohji: But you were the one given away!

Omi: THAT DOESN'T MEAN I'M THE BRIDE!

Yohji: Just... go, please? *big puppy eyes look*

Omi: Shit, I should of never shared my powers with you... *stomps backstage*

Ran & Ken: *look at each other* 

Ken: Um...

Ran: *waits*

Ken: You're kidding, right?

Ran: *waits*

Ken: *whispers* Ya know, wives can't screw their husbands long, hard, brutal and deep the way you like it so much. Maybe I -should- become wife and never...

Ran: *pales and quickly gets up and leaves backstage*

kami: ^^;; All right, are we ready?

Yohji & Ken: *nod*

kami: Alright, we'll ask you a series of questions and we'll ask the wives the same. If the answers match, then you'll get the points for that question. Good luck, and here's the first question! Describe in detail, what was the last conversation in bed you had about? Yohji, you first.

Yohji: I, uh... Lemme think...

Ken: Ha, that'll be a new experience for you!

Yohji: SHUT UP! Oh damnit, I really can't remember!

kami: Okies, then we'll go to Ken and get back to you later. Ken, same question. What was your last conversation in bed about?

Ken: ^^;; *blank*

Yohji: *points* HA! Wait! I remembered! We talked about my being able to make ANYTHING dirty. And we got to playing Mad Libs, ya know, you fill in the blanks with nouns, verbs and see what you get in the end. Those things have a LOT of suggestions! ^.~ 

kami: Ah really... ^^;; (I can NEVER play Mad Libs cleanly again!) Ken, do you have an answer?

Ken: _ But this is Ran we're talking about! He barely says anything. The last thing that resembled a conversation with Ran, he said 'hn' and 'aa'!!

kami: I'm afraid we'll have to move on. The next question is, if your partner got a pet poodle, what would he name it?

Yohji & Ken: O.O;;

kami: What? This proves how much you understand your lovers!! Poodles!! POODLES!!

Yohji: Hmm, *methodical thinking* knowing Omi, he's name it something really cute and anime-ish. And since poodles are generally happy... umm... he's name it Smoochies -.-;;

Ken: What?! That's not cute, that's sick and that's not from any anime at all!

Yohji: But it's what HE'D do!!

Ken: *ponders* I don't think Ran would have a poodle. He'd cut it up, go all 'SHI-NE!' on the poor thing... HE'D NAME IT 'SHI-NEEEEEE!!!'!

kami: Alrighty... third question. Finish the phrase... 'My husband is the only one that can _blank_.'

Yohji: 'My husband is the only one that can... defile every possible horizontal or vertical surface in existence!'

Ken and kami: O.O;;

Ken: I, uh... 'My husband is the only one that can... make me smile"

kami: AWWWWWWW!!! *all waff-ish* That's sweet!! ^o^

Ken: Actually, 'My husband is the only on that can... make me moan, groan...'

kami: Your answer is 'make me smile' uhh... moving on...

Ken: 'Make me totally cum on a whim, scream at the top of my lungs, OH GOD KEN, HARDER!'

kami: NEXT QUESTION! If separated, you would agree to phone sex?

Yohji: Already do. From the phones in the same apartment! But we never finish, cuz, ya know, it's kinda hard to talk while your mouth is-MMPH!

Ken: *slams hand over Yohji's mouth* NOO! Please! You're giving me a visual!! _ Uh, yeah, we'd do the phone sex thing I guess.

kami: Okies! That's round one. We'll bring out the wives after the commercial break to see if their answers match up! 

~commercial break~

Announcer: Hello fanfic writers! This is a public service announcement. Here's the announcement, I WISH BUSH WOULD FALL INTO SOME GODFORSAKEN HOLE!! Thank you.

~next commercial~

*A very pissed off Brad sits at homey kitchen table, wearing overalls and a red striped shirt*

Brad: THIS IS DEGRADING!!

Producer: We'll double the salary!

Brad: (O.O) *smiles at camera and looks all happy and innocent* To help me grow big and strong, my mommy makes me drink Ovaltine™! It's the very best, it's good for you, and it tastes great! Mmmm! Ovaltine™! *sips and spits out* THIS TASTES LIKE SHIT! *begins cussing insanely and destroying props until the camera cuts*

~back to the show~

kami: Whee! We're back and we have the wives out here. Let's see if they were thinking alike! Our first question was, what was the last conversation you had in bed about? Omi, you go first!

Omi: *thinks* Well, it's hard to remember because literally everything turns into sex!! *happy grin*

Yohji: T_T Oh gods, he's perfect for me!

Omi: So, since everything turns to sex, we played Mad Libs and filled in all sorts of dirty words. Lucky for us, that one was about painting a house, so certain things had to be done long, slow and repetitively. And it wasn't painting with a brush!

Yohji: *pulls up card that says 'Kinky Mad Libs'*

kami: YAY! That's correct, 5 points for you! Ran, you're next. Same question.

Ran: We last talked about the Japanese economy and some solutions that would be simple to execute and pull up the standard of living.

Yohji: *snicker*

Ken: ^^;; ...oh! That was why I jumped you that night! To shut you u-*clamps hand over mouth*

Ran: -_-

kami: Anou, Ken, let's see your card!

Ken: NO!!!

Yohji: *lunges and snatches it outta Ken's hands. It reads '"aa" and "hn"'*

kami: Sorry, wrong answer. You have no points. Next question!

Ken: Ran, are you angry at me?

Ran: *glacial*

Ken: Raaaa~aan! @_@

kami: The next question was, if your lover had a pet poodle, what would he name it?

Omi: SMOOCHIES!! SMOOCHIES!!

Yohji: *glomps Omi*

kami: Impressive!! That's another 5 points! Ran?

Ran: I'd name it Aya, after my imouto.

Ken: *whacks own head and meekly holds up card* 'SHI-NE'

Ran: Why would I name it THAT? It's... *not bothering anymore*

kami: Aww, no points for you yet! Last question, finish the phrase, 'My husband is the only one that can _blank_'

Omi: My husband is the only one that can... make screwing everywhere a special event every day!

Yohji: *holds up card: 'take him ANYWHERE'*

kami: You guys are amazing! (or maybe just that horny...) That's 15 points for this round! Ran? Let's see if you and Ken can get some points here! Finish the phrase, my husband is the only one that can _blank_.

Ran: -_- *sneers at Ken sarcastically* Lemme guess, that can make me scream, 'OH KEN, HARDER!' every time, right? 

Ken: *shocked look* *Card reads: 'make me smile'* NO FUCKING WAY! I SAID THAT! I SAID THAT WORD FOR WORD AND YOU GUYS WOULDN'T TAKE THAT!! WHAT THE FUCK?!?!

kami: ^^;; Weeeell, you did say that, but it wasn't your first answer. Nor did you say to change it, you just, uh, kept going... We'll give you three points, kay?

Ken: *pouts* Fine.

Ran: I cannot believe you said that...

kami: Okies, for the 1st round, Yohji and Omi have 15, Ken and Ran have 3! Husbands! I need you to go to the back, thanks!

*Ken and Yohji leave*

kami: Whee! Okies, you know how this works, so here's the first question! If you were to describe your lover as a weapon in bed, would he be a machine gun? Taizer? Sword? Or a nuclear warhead?

Omi & Ran: -.-

kami: The producers demanded new questions!! And I like these questions!! Now ANSWER!

Omi: Well, that's easy, a nuclear warhead, no doubt! And OMG, that's exactly how it feels when he...

Ran: *moonbeams a cushion at Omi's head*

Omi: x_x

kami: Mou, Ran! I wanted to hear!!

Ran: The soundproofing Ken and I put up didn't work as to not hearing Omi when... he is nuked.

kami: @_@ Your answer?

Ran: Taizer.

kami: Care to elaborate?

Ran: No.

kami: ;_; FINE! Next question! What is the oddest place you guys have DONE it in?

Omi: Define 'odd.'

kami: Daaamn, Omi, so you mean, you've literally done it EVERYWHERE?

Omi: Just about. But I guess one that stands out most is the time we did it in the shower...

kami: *snorts* The shower? How the hell is THAT special?

Omi: The shower in the Emperor's palace. Hmm, yeah, HIS shower. ^^

kami: Uso! No way! What were you doing at the Emperor's palace?

Omi: Anou, we had a, uh... mission

Ran: OMI!

Omi: A mission to deliver the best flowers ever! ^^;;

kami: Ahhh...YEAH. Ran, the oddest place you've done it in.

Ran: I'd say in a water fountain in the park, but Ken would say at the sports store, inside the goalie nets, so that will be my answer instead.

kami: A FOUNTAIN IN THE PARK?! WHICH ONE?!

Ran: -_-;;

kami: (Damnit, I could of sold postcards of that fountain, MOU!!) The third question is, what is his bed name? 

Omi: ^^; Isn't that sort of private?

kami: As opposed to everything else you've been answering the whole time?

Omi: * XP * Yohji is... MMMPH-GGYYYYAAH-AAAAAAAAAHHHH-YOOOOOOHJIIIIIIIII!!

Ran: O_O

kami: Nice name... O_O Ran? What is Ken's bed name?

Ran: I'm not saying.

kami: RAAA~AAN! 

Ran: Please don't say my name like that. -.-;;

kami: ooooh! *yaoi-fangirl giggle*

Ran: *defeated* Tiger. I call Ken Tiger in bed.

kami: See? That wasn't so hard! Next question is, according to him, what kind of toy are you? A giant teddy bear, a wind-up car, Tickle-Me-Elmo™, or the Energizer Bunny™? 

Omi: Wow, I don't know that one... uh, Tickle-Me-Elmo™?

kami: Aww! Ran? According to Ken, what kind of toy are you?

Ran: I am not a toy.

kami: Today you are, goddamnit, why are you being so difficult? Name a toy!

Ran: Teddy bear. -.-

kami: Grr!! The next question is, what is his favorite fantasy?

Omi: Ooooh! I know -that- one! Yohji likes being seme, but every now and then, he likes a little...umm, submission? The guy won't admit it, but he loves to be teased and see how far he can hold it. And with that leather fetish of his...my answer is, me in a leather dominatrix and him, the slave!!! ^________^

kami: *tries to look professional despite the incoherent drooling and babbling* Ah, anou...*insert happy gibberish* Your...turn...Ran... *gooey*

Ran: Gross. 

kami: Ran...? Your answer please. Ken's fantasy?

Ran: [This is degrading...] Him, I, on his bike.

kami: Yeah...doing what? Sitting, riding? ^_____________^

Ran: Since you most likely have jumped to the conclusion, I refuse to answer.

kami: __ You're not being fun!! *tries to imagine Ken and Ran on the motorcycle* Mmmm...

Omi: Demo, Ran-kun, have you tried to fulfill that, being it Ken-kun's fantasy? *blush and sheepish grin*

Ran: Oh god, I'm surrounded by them -_-

kami: You know you love it! Okay, let's bring out the husbands!

*Ken and Yohji walk out and sit next to their spouses*

*Yohji and Omi begin necking immediately*

*Ken snuggles up to Ran, Ran tries to move away*

Ken: Raa~aan! Please say you're not angry at me!! I love you!!

Ran: -_-

kami: Okay! Let's see how our couples will hold out this round! The first question was, if you were to describe your lover as a weapon in bed, would he be a machine gun? Taizer? Sword? Or a nuclear warhead? Yohji? Since you two are in the lead...

Omi: *blushes and quickly covers himself with cushions*

Yohji: ^_~ I am the NUCLEAR WARHEAD! *raises arms in imitation of explosion*

Omi: *holds up card: 'Nuke me!'

kami: Five points! Ken, same question!

Ken: *methodical thinking* Let's see...I tend to make Ran shake and tremble a lot when I...

Ran: . Stop that, just answer the question, Ken.

Ken: Then his voice gets all scratchy and jumpy...

Ran: KEN!

Ken: Meep! Taizer! I'm a taizer!

kami: Congratulations! You won five points! Next question, what is the oddest place you guys have DONE it in?

Yohji: Oddest... oddest... hmmm... *looks at Omi* Oh hells yeah!! We visited this museum that had this GIANT anatomically correct male mannequin that was wearing the world's largest kilt!! His legs alone were about 20 feet high and the kilt hid everything underneath. Omi and I took these stairs to his... and well, did it right there with that giant thing looming over us!! (Mine still was better ^_~)

kami/Ken/Ran: O_O

Omi: . Damnit! I forgot about that!! *holds card: Emperor's shower*

Yohji: Emperor's shower? That's interesting, but not really weird...

kami: Sorry you two, no points for that question. Ken? The same question, what's the weirdest place you've DONE IT in?

Ken: *scrunched up thinking face* Hmmm... Okay! The absolute weirdest, KINKIEST, EROTIC AND SEXY place we've ever done it in is: IN A GOALIE NET!!

kami: -_- *remembers Ran's first answer* Suuuure... but wow!! That's what Ran said! Five points!

Ran: *card: Soccer Goal*

kami: Next! Yohji! What does Omi refer to you as in bed?

Yohji: *yaoi smirk* Well, for starters, he can't say much because his mouth's sorta full a lot...

Omi: KUDOH!! *glare*

Yohji: ^^;; Heeeh, I think he calls me Kami-sama!!

Omi: . 

kami: Sorry, the correct answer was, *mentions the audio crew*

*playback of Omi's scream: MMMPH-GGYYYYAAH-AAAAAAAAAHHHH-YOOOOOOHJIIIIIIIII!! is played back*

Everyone: O_O

Yohji: Oh yeah, that's what I am ^^;;

kami: *blushed face* Ken! Your bed name!!

Ken: Well, I tend to get aggressive go hard on Ran, because he really, REALLY-

Ran: Get to the point Ken.

Ken: Well, also because he says I make these noises, like I'm-

Ran: KEN!!

Ken: And then I like to scratch down his back when we're-

Ran: This thing does not represent me. -_-

kami: ^^;; As much as I would love to hear this (and believe me, I *really* would), we need to know your answer Ken.

Ken: I'ma tiger, rawr! ^_~

Ran: *card: Tiger*

kami: Wow!! Ran really seems to know you! That's another five points!! Alrighty, Yohji, the next question is, what kind of toy are you in bed? A giant teddy bear, a wind-up car, Tickle-Me-Elmo™, or the Energizer Bunny™? 

Yohji: *big smile* I know all his weak points (and his favorite ones too!! ^_~) and he won't admit it, but he loves it when I...*tickles Omi mercilessly*

Omi: STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!! *laughs and holds up card: Tickle-Me-Omi*

kami: Good! You two are back on track it seems, that's five points!! Ken, what kind of toy is Ran in bed?

Ken: ^_________^ *glomps Ran*

Ran: O_O

Ken: *squeezes*

Ran: *wheezes*

Ken: AWWW!! See? Isn't Ran the cutest plushie ever? *holds Ran's face up*

Ran: *scowl*

Ken: He's a giant teddy bear I tell ya!!

Ran: *card: Teddy bear*

kami: Sugoi! Ran, you are really on a roll!! That's another five points! Yohji, the next question is, what fantasy would you love to have you and Omi play out?

Yohji: Ahh... etto... anou... I... *twiddles thumbs*

kami: O_O The Kudoh Yohji is shy about his horny fantasies? What's the world coming to?

Yohji: Shut up!! It's just... this may sorta ruin my reputation and...

Omi: *whaps Yohji with a pillow* What reputation?! YOU'RE TAKEN. BY ME. YOU DON'T GET TO HAVE A REPUTATION ANYMORE BECAUSE I LOVE YOU THE WAY YOU ARE. YOU DON'T NEED TO PUT ON A STUPID ACT FOR OTHERS ANYMORE.

Yohji: ... T_T I love you Omiiiiiiiiii!!! *glomps bishounen*

Omi: T_T I love YOU Yohjiiiiiiiiii!!! *glomps back*

Ken: *nervous* I... erm, I love you too, Ran.

Ran: *flatly* I know.

Ken: ;_;

kami: That's really sweet, but Yohji you haven't answered the question.

Yohji: XP Hellz no, I'm not answering. NO ONE shall know.

Omi: -.- *signals audio crew*

*playback*

__

Omi: Ooooh! I know -that- one! Yohji likes being seme, but every now and then, he likes a little...umm, submission? The guy won't admit it, but he loves to be teased and see how far he can hold it. And with that leather fetish of his...my answer is, me in a leather dominatrix and him, the slave!!! ^________^

*end playback*

Yohji: *really dark blush* O-O...OMI!! *hides under the cushions*

kami: Sorry, no points there. Ken? Same question, what fantasy would you like Ran and you to fulfill? 

Ken: ^______^ Oh, I definetly know my answer and amn't ashamed of it!!

Ran: Tell me why I love you so much again... -_-

Ken: ... *blink* Simple. *grabs Ran and kisses him as hard as he can*

Ran: *moan*

*They grab each other and tumble behind the couches where we can only use our imaginations*

kami: ^^;; Ken? Your answer?

Ken: *ragged breathing* Oh yeah... ALL OF IT!!

Ran: *muffled gagged sounds*

kami: *hyperventilates* KEN!

Ken: *head pops up behind the couch* Yeah?

kami: ...the answer please. And... where's Ran?

Ken: I wanna take him for the craziest ride of his life on my bike *yaoi grin* *gaspgasp* As for Ran... he can't say much now... *moooooooooooaaan*

Ran: *throws card in the air: On Ken's motorcycle*

kami: Wow! A perfect second round for Ken and Ran! Before I give the current total scores, I am happy to announce that I've received information that the studio has four cameras that are currently filming Ken and Ran. If you call the number on your screen and pay a nominal fee of $39.99 per 30 seconds, you can watch the previous and live footage during the commercial break!

Yohji: *whips out cell phone*

Omi: YOTAN!

Yohji: *sheepish smile* What? We might get new ideas!

Omi: *thinks* Good point. *pulls out phone*

kami: The total scores for the past two rounds are: Yohji and Omi have a total of 25 points! Ken and Ran have a total of 23 points! The competition is really close and we have one more round to go! Who will win the grand prize? Find out after this commercial break! And don't forget to call that number for our special exclusive footage!

*number speeds by at an unreadable velocity*

~Commercial break~

*Schu walks out on screen wearing mismatched jammies and bunny ears*

Schu: Hello!! I'm here because I believe I can change your life! I'm hosting a seminar on how you can make yourself the very best in other people's eyes! Take myself as an example, I work three hours a day and make over $90,000 a year!! And these are the clothes I wear everyday! My co-workers applaud me on my impeccable and professional outfits, and my superiors praise my hard long hours even though all I really do is sit on those computer chairs and spin like crazy! It's true!

Persia: Schulderich here is a very diligent worker and I believe has incredible potencial in nearly every possible field!

Schu: *burps*

Takatori: I enjoy his subtle and intellectual small talk, it's always a pleasure when he opens his mouth!

Schu: There you have it folks! Come to my seminar and have people fawn all over you, no matter what you do! Call today!

*phone number whizzes by along with legal statement: This in no make shape or form works at all! Except for myself and if you're a telepath, of which I will obliterate you with my skillz! I'm just telling you to come and give me a lot of money and if you're able to read this, then you're already fallen under my spell...*

Aiyaa!! So this is my PITIFUL attempt at being funny ^^;; Sorry if you're bored outta your mind. Erm, the next and last part will take some time to put up, so please bear with me!! And I won't tell anyone which one is winning! XD

Omi: It's like you insist one torturing us!

Yohji: Treat us like humans! Sure, we're not real, etc, etc but... -.-;;

kami: But, you haven't really complained in the past, and you're all generally happy because I think I've written you all lemons!

Ken: They weren't enough!!

Ran: ... -.- Ken, control yourself. 

kami: Naw, let him!! ^_~

Review pwease!!


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